inner conflict

its 12am and i should be asleep. problem is, i can't sleep with all these things on my mind.

life is good now, since school is over and all. but still there are many things still bugging me.



it has almost been 1 year since our trip to Nepal, and it is almost time for my 2nd trip there. Its still 4 days and i haven't started packing haha.

I should be happy that i'm going back; back to the place where everything started; but deep down i'm scared; this time i'm in charge of the trip, i'm scared that i can't make it good enough, i'm scared i can't meet the expectations that people set. i'm scared of many things. i'm also scared that i can't find what i'm searching for with this trip.

over the course of the past year, i've changed a lot. i've became more mature, more fun, friendlier, and stuff. however this also means that i've became less focused, and less determined.

i miss those days.

i guess it all went wrong some time after Nepal. that's why i'm scared. i'm scared something will go wrong again.

why can't it go back to the peaceful days before the buffet breakfast before Nepal. When we thought all of us could be happy together.

then everything just had to fall apart.

for you, and for me, for us.
friendships fell apart. my dreams fell apart. you fell apart.

if i could see another shooting star now, i know what wish to make.
i wish that everything will be ok

sweet serendipity

its 2am in the morning and my group is rushing the wr.

everything is so wrong, but it feels so right. i mean, everything could have been worse right.

"cause i'm doing just find, i'm always landing on my feet/ in the nick of time and by the skin of my teeth"

cause someone's watching over me, so i don't have to worry.


4:58 AM

3 hours and 58 minutes later. we are still frantically editing the WR.

it has been a long night.

Thank God for my groupmates for doing this with me. i guess i'm a lucky guy after all.

the end is near. for now.

maybe

well, that was probably the craziest thing i've done this year.

1it probably took more courage for me to do this than anything else that i've done this year.
but, to you, i guess it something normal. something that people ask you to do everyday.

i'm feeling like an idiot now, but at least i'm relieved that i won't have to live regretting that i didn't ask you for this. well, i guess i'm feeling pretty messed up rn. happy yet confused at the same time.

despite this, i still see a sliver of hope. maybe its a conjuration of my hazy mind, but its driving me crazy.

sigh, what have i gotten myself into.

what i want

sigh. i don't want to be just another guy.

because you're special

on the other side of the glass window

i've always been on the other side of the glass window,

looking at you, 

you probably don't know, that behind the tinted windows,

there's someone behind who really cares about you.

someone who wants to be there to share your joy,

or be there to listen to your sorrows;

be there to comfort you when you cry,

or to be there to listen to you talk about the glorious tomorrow.

but here am i, on the other side of the glass window,

wondering how to get through.

some day, i think, some day,

i will get to the same side as you.

~anonymous