sweet serendipity

its 2am in the morning and my group is rushing the wr.

everything is so wrong, but it feels so right. i mean, everything could have been worse right.

"cause i'm doing just find, i'm always landing on my feet/ in the nick of time and by the skin of my teeth"

cause someone's watching over me, so i don't have to worry.


4:58 AM

3 hours and 58 minutes later. we are still frantically editing the WR.

it has been a long night.

Thank God for my groupmates for doing this with me. i guess i'm a lucky guy after all.

the end is near. for now.

maybe

well, that was probably the craziest thing i've done this year.

1it probably took more courage for me to do this than anything else that i've done this year.
but, to you, i guess it something normal. something that people ask you to do everyday.

i'm feeling like an idiot now, but at least i'm relieved that i won't have to live regretting that i didn't ask you for this. well, i guess i'm feeling pretty messed up rn. happy yet confused at the same time.

despite this, i still see a sliver of hope. maybe its a conjuration of my hazy mind, but its driving me crazy.

sigh, what have i gotten myself into.

what i want

sigh. i don't want to be just another guy.

because you're special

on the other side of the glass window

i've always been on the other side of the glass window,

looking at you, 

you probably don't know, that behind the tinted windows,

there's someone behind who really cares about you.

someone who wants to be there to share your joy,

or be there to listen to your sorrows;

be there to comfort you when you cry,

or to be there to listen to you talk about the glorious tomorrow.

but here am i, on the other side of the glass window,

wondering how to get through.

some day, i think, some day,

i will get to the same side as you.

~anonymous

have a little faith

currently, i'm in the process of reading "have a little faith" by mitch albom. yeah i'm a little late, but still...

well, so far, it has been an enjoyable read

the book discusses about life, death, faith, love, God and all the other things that matter in life. and for some reason, these are the things that have been going inside my head for the past few weeks. coincidence eh? nah i don't think so. 

"When we are born into this world, our fists are clenched; this is because we want to hold on to everything; however when we die, our hands are open, because we finally understand that we can bring nothing with us"

what is it that matters in your life? is it your work, your prestige, your impact on the world?

personally, i feel that the things in our lives can be split into big things and small things. Big things are things such as ambition, goals, visions, while small things are such as emotions and feelings.

However, whether the things are "big" or "small" does not reflect on their real importance on a person's life; it is merely what society defines it as.

The big things provide people with a direction, a goal to work towards to. It helps people who are lost in their lives to find their way. This goal may be to have a job which pays well, or to win something. 

I feel that despite being able to provide direction for humans, the big things are unable to make people happy; on the contrary, it usually makes people more hollow; it sucks their soul out of them.

Remember the last time you came in first for anything. How did you feel?you may have felt happy, but at the moment, subconsciously you'll be thinking "that's it?" "i was expecting much more!" ambitions don't have the ability to provide a human being with internal nourishment. it drains them, it leaves them empty, to the extent that towards the end, you'll be thinking, maybe it wasn't worth it after all.

to be cont.

well at least that's how i feel.

btw pls keep it quiet

the past, the present, and the future

recently, i have been asked, why do i always look at things in the present?
i should be looking to the future, to peer into the future, to secure things that might be coming our way.

then i wondered, if i am worried about so many things, how can i be happy?

but then again, i don't deserve to be happy.



past;
the past is a constant for us. no matter what we do, we can't change our past. the past defines us. it provides for our sense of identity, our sense of direction, our purpose. in a way, i guess you can say that the present you is an amalgamation of your past selves.


present;
the present. now. the happiest people are always living in this category. if you live in the present, you learn to be content with the things that you have in life, how beautiful your life is, how amazing the world is, and how blessed we are. i think this is where the happiness comes from.


future;
the most uncertain part. something that you cannot control ( although there are people who beg to differ ). some people see good future prospects for them, they see a bright future, a better place where they can live. i was one of them. they work hard for the sake of a better tomorrow.

its true there are people like that.

however, most likely than not, these people will become prisoners of their own progress. imagine being locked up in an imaginary confinement in your mind, and the boundaries of this confinement will just close down on you day by day. you find it harder and harder to breath, and one day, it will just crush you, along with all of your expectations.

you ask me to learn how to predict the future, to learn how to control it, to scheme, to turn in to my advantage.

honestly, i don't want to.
but for the sake of the people at my side, and for the legacy of this team, i will do it.

maybe i will find enjoyment in doing it. maybe i will find meaning and satisfaction in it.
but until then, i will persevere. like you did.